Madeline

Error 404 poem not found

Your head spins slower on your neck, it knows the answers now
Bugs grow thicker through clenched teeth

Faint humming follows you everywhere you go, though you don’t go far
Cold breezes eat away at thoughts

You get up to leave, to escape the heavy void in your living room
The ash grows thicker on your pillow

A young boy turns slowly into a heron, “they can’t touch you if they’re not there”, he whispers before flying off
The shadows are getting tired

You get into your car and drive, there are no roads but somehow you find yourself at a diner
You sit at your table and stare at the walls, a pale waitress brings you tea in heavy silence, but it sizzles and evaporates as it reaches your lips
A sign behind the door reads “please, don’t touch me” before melting into a worm and fading through the walls

You need to leave

You walk past blue lemon trees growing thin clusters of grapes around the branches
You often eat them off the ground to confuse the taste of blood in your mouth

You look to the moon but it won’t look back, it knows what you’ve done
The bruises grow darker on your walls

You turn away

Hollow eyes wander as rusty hatchets drag against the ground
Do you ever stop to look at all the skin you gather?

Cross-stitched mouths shut tight, they look to you and whisper “careful, under her shoes are her feet” before slinking slowly back into their creaky holes

The humming grows louder these days, broken glances flicker between strangers
You can’t throw stones forever.

The Lizard Cactus

 

Behind the old Watkins building down town, a man named Billy Joe Johnson sat with his pet raccoon Frederic. Billy was homeless, he often slept in back alleys or under bridges, depending on the weather. As billy sat against the wall it suddenly occurred to him that he didn’t like being homeless, and he knew he needed to find a way to make a living and find a home.

He decided to head to the desert, where he would try to find the rare green lizard cactus, and sell it to travellers, and rich voodoo doctors. So he grabbed Frederic and started to make his way out of the city. After several days, they finally made it to the bridge that separated the town from the forest. Without hesitation, Billy and Frederic crossed it.

They spent the next 6 months travelling through winding forests and crossing wild rivers, until the woods finally thinned out to give way to fields. The journey had gone quite smoothly until that point, when they realized that they had no ropes, and the only way to cross the mountains was to go around them, which would take several more months.

Finally they got to the desert, where they found thousands of rare green lizard cactuses. Billy and Frederic made so much money from them that they were able to retire on a lovely beach and do nothing for the rest of their lives.

 

 

Reality and Fiction

Introduction
Life is not easy, and we learn the values of of life in many ways.  In this essay I hope to demonstrate that, despite the obvious difference, there are many similarities between the poem Blackberrying and the film Over the Hedge.

Theme, Style, Tone
One is all rainbows and sunshine, the other is just darkness and depression. The film is humorous and animated, lightly scripted and well presented, the poem is deep, somber, and anti climactic.
These are two  opposite lifestyles, one a reality, and one a fictitious daydream.
The movie shows that every story has a happy ending, while the poem shows that in reality not all endings are good.
It compares a child’s world to an adults.

Diction, Speaker
There is no speaker in the movie but there is one in the poem, the poem uses really deep and complicated words and the movie uses simple and happy words,
Sadness is heavier than happiness.

Character
The skunk in the film is an optimist, whereas the speaker in the poem is a pessimist; they both have equal potential, one just has the right attitude.

Metaphor
Summer is the happy illusion that we get from the overwhelming depression of reality.

Martians vs Humans ‘The War of the Worlds’

What advantages did the Martians have over the humans and vice versa?

I decided to write my essay on the whether or not the Martians had more of an advantage than the humans, in the book War of the Worlds by H.G Wells.

At first I thought it was obvious (the Martians), but after thinking a little harder,I realized that it was not so obvious.

Reasons why I think the Martians had more of an advantage:

When the Martians arrived on earth, people were curious and excited. As the first few hours went by, and news spread, more and more people came to see what was going on. The Martians appeared to be weak and slow, and not really much of a threat. Their strange form of arrival, how they fell from the sky in a big metal cylinder, took the humans by surprize. It took several hours for the Martians to break out of the cylinder, and as they did, a small group of scientists approached the pit that held the cylinder.This was when the Martians first attacked, burning them to ashes with a heat ray. People didn’t believe that it had happened, and carried on with their usual everyday life. It wasn’t until the next few days that people really started to realize how serious things were. By then the Martians had grown a lot stronger, and were wiping out whole villages with their deadly heat rays. Because their war machines and technology was more advanced, the Martians were able to move a lot faster, and could look down on humans the way we look down on ants. As the days went on, more and more Martians arrived in their cylinders, and I don’t think that people would have been able to defend themselves, if it weren’t for the one weakness that the Martians had. Because they had come from another planet, they were probably used to another environment, and were immune to their own diseases. Earth however, has different diseases, and when the Martians did come out of their cylinders, they became weak and sickly, and soon died out.

Reasons why the humans could have had more of an advantage:

If warned ahead of time, humans could have been able to build underground shelters to protect themselves, and set up a better defence system. But knowing humans, they would probably try to attack first (like they did in the book) resulting in death and disaster.

The few humans that did survive were the ones that thought outside of the box, avoiding the main crowds of people, and seeking shelter in abandoned buildings.

If the Martians had not died of diseases, humans could survive for  quite a while, if they hid in abandoned supermarkets,or basements. But they would eventually run out of food and supplies, or go mad for fresh air, which would lead them to venture outside. There they would

be seen by the Martians, or run into other starving people and animals, and most likely fight to death. They were however, a lot smaller than the Martian’s war machines, and if they planned things out a little more, they would have been able to hide in small places, and organize a better defence system.

Conclusion:

The Martians had a heatray and the element of surprize, but humans had larger numbers, creative ways of strategizing, and were immune to their planet. In that story, I think things could have gone both ways, the Martians were stronger in battle, but not resistant to earthly diseases, and humans were weaker in battle, but had the advantage of living on earth. If the Martians had been able to wipe out all the humans, they would have died anyway; so, in the end, both had as much of an advantage as they did a disadvantage.

Big Safari investigation

Big Safari is an organization within the US Air Force that hunts down and spies on major threats using minimum personnel participation planes (drones).  It was founded in 1952 as a single inter-agency organization, and celebrated its 60th anniversary in 2012.   They share facilities with Sierra Nevada to cut costs. They want drones in operation quickly and make an effort to hire highly qualified staff. After doing some more research I found that most websites on Big Safari were written by the same person.

The Knocking


Ever  since they had moved into that house, there had been a strange knocking  coming from the drain in the driveway. Though not completely aware of it, the Addams family had always heard it, but it was like one of those cases where its been raining lightly for hours, you can hear its raining but you don’t realize it until it suddenly stops. The quiet, yet persistent thudding, coming from somewhere deep down in the murky darkness, was much like that; it was there, but it wasn’t.

So, the Addams’s lived most of their lives in that house without consciously knowing about the knocking. Their children became older and went off to study marine biology and astronomy, (and other complicated things) overseas.  The only ones that were left in that big, now empty house were Mister and Mrs Addams. One thing about the Addams parents was that they loved children, but never had any of their own; for they felt that it was much better to adopt because there were so many orphans around without homes, and so few adopters. All their children had been adopted.  Now that their last children had left home to start their own lives, the Addams’s felt lonely. So they adopted again, and that, was when everything  started to change.

They started noticing things a few months later when baby Mia arrived.  She was a gorgeous baby with big brown eyes and little brown curls.  Her real parents had been found dead in their farmhouse, covered in scratches, apparently murdered by an unknown cereal killer. The whole story was quite unfortunate, considering that Mia’s parents had been harmless chicken farmers, and never hurt anyone (except the chickens of course!)  Despite her tragic past, Mia was a happy, noisy baby; she giggled and squealed and made all around noise. So much noise in fact, that no-one noticed when the quiet, almost inaudible tapping became just a few notches louder …

It was a misty Thursday morning; and when I say misty, I mean MISTY.  The streets were seas of fog and traffic, the sky was a mass of haze and cloud, it looked as though heaven itself had collapsed. Mrs  Addams stood at the door, watching the street where the bus stop was, hoping that her husband had arrived at work safely. After having breakfast, she decided to go check on Mia, who was usually up by then. When Mrs Addams climbed to the landing above the stairs, she looked up out of the window overlooking the driveway, and saw a fat orange chicken pecking at the drain. Surprised, she rubbed her eyes and looked again, but it was gone. She had probably just imagined it. As she walked into Mia’s room  and picked her up, all the lights suddenly went out, on a normal morning this wouldn’t be a problem, but because it was so foggy and dark outside, and Mia’s curtains were drawn, Mrs Addams was shrouded in complete darkness. Sensing her mother’s alarm, Mia started to whimper, and then cry. The sudden stop of the knocking was never noticed, or acknowledged, probably because what came next was so devastating that nobody cared any more.

Mr. Addams left work late. He had had a tiring day and was looking forward to getting home. He dragged himself onto the bus and sat down next to a rather large man in a dark blue trench coat. He opened a newspaper.  “It has been a long day”, he thought as he yawned; his eyes beginning to close.  He was tired, so tired … Before he knew it, he was asleep.

Mr Addams opened his eyes with a start. Looking around, he realized he was still on the bus, but something was different.  He looked out the window, everything was dark; much darker than usual. Blinking hard, he looked out the window again, and then it hit him. All the lights were out, even the street lights.  There appeared to be a huge power outage. Mr Addams stood up to see if he could ask the bus driver where they were, but when he was at the front of the bus and started to talk to the driver, the driver did not answer. Something felt wrong, very wrong. He tapped the bus driver on his back … still, no response. The bus drove on, quickly approaching the old bridge. “Strange”, thought Mr. Addams; most buses would have turned away by now. The old bridge hadn’t been used for years, it had collapsed during a particularly icy winter.  The bridge had been strong, and served the town for many years, but it had been in need of some maintenance and, after months of neglect, it finally collapsed. No-one had ever bothered to fix it. The bus continued to move forward, ever closer and closer to the bridge. The last turn off was coming up, but the bus was going too fast.  There was no way it would be able to turn in time. Mr Addams was beginning to panic: “is the bus driver sleeping?!”

He tried shaking him, there was no movement it was almost like he was unconscious.

Then the bus driver started to move; more like “squirm” in an unnatural sort of way, suddenly his coat exploded into a mass of chickens, at least 11 of them, they started running around the bus squawking and nipping at everything. Mr Addams yelped and leaped back, as a grey chicken came leaping towards him, barely missing his knee. Awoken by the noise, the other passengers started to yawn and look around, seeing all the chickens running around and nipping people, they started to scream.  It was chaos. Meanwhile the bus was getting closer and closer to the bridge … any minute now, they would fall to their deaths. Mr Addams tried to get to the steering wheel, but he didn’t know how to drive.  In this panic he didn’t know anything anyway, so what difference did it make?  He sat down on the drivers seat and looked for the breaks, pushing and pulling every button and lever he could find. He looked up again … there wasn’t enough time … even if he did find the brakes, they would never be able to stop in time.  He grabbed the steering wheel and started  spinning it frantically. The bus hit a bump and went flying; Mr Addams and all the passengers held their breath … waiting for it to land, but it didn’t.

Mrs Addams was worried, she hadn’t heard from her husband since he went to work.  He usually arrived back home at six and it was already quarter to eight. This was strange. She had had a fairly ordinary day. After the power went out and Mia had stopped crying, she had been busy going around and lighting candles, and continuing with everyday work around the house. When she and Mia finished eating dinner, the power came back on. She decided to call Mr Addams and see where he was; but after she dialled, the phone just kept ringing and ringing and ringing. Finally she hung up and went to put Mia to bed.  Something was different, but she couldn’t quite tell what. When she went back downstairs, it was rather stuffy, so she opened the door for some fresh air, and looked out into the darkness. It was quiet, unusually quiet, something scurried across the yard.  She jumped, then realized it was probably just a raccoon.  She decided to close the door in case it tried to get into the house. She closed it just in time; not five seconds later a wave of what appeared to be chickens began hurling themselves at the door, scratching and pecking at the windows and roof. Shocked and startled, Mrs Addams ran around the house trying to seal all the windows, but it was no use, the chickens were strong and persistent, and before long the windows started to crack.She heard a shrill cry coming from upstairs, then remembered that she had left Mia up there sleeping. Upstairs the chickens appeared to have made less progress breaking in, but it was still very loud. Grabbing Mia she ran back towards the stairs, reaching the corner, she came face to face with a mob of angry chickens, for a moment everything froze. Mrs Addams stared at the chickens, the chickens stared at her, and then, as if on some invisible signal, they attacked.  Leaping back only to hit the wall, Mrs Addams had no choice but to try and fight them off. There were too many of them! She finally managed to run and lock herself in a small cupboard. There she sat in the darkness with Mia, listening to the frantic squawking of the chickens as they tried to peck through the thick doors of the cupboard, soon they would break through, and then, there would be no escaping.

Mr Addams opened his eyes, everything was fuzzy.  He tried sitting up, but a sharp pain went through his neck, and he lay back down with a yelp.  What had happened? Where was he? He tried sitting up again, but this time someone stopped him.

“Don’t move.  If they see you’re alive they’ll peck your eyes out.”  Mr Addams looked around to see who was talking, and saw what appeared to be  a small cluster of people lying on the ground, some were clearly dead, others close to it.  The bus driver was among them, he was very pale, and covered in scratches and bites.Chickens crowded around him, eyeing him suspiciously and occasionally nipping him, just to make sure he was dead. The bus driver made a final groan of pain and closed his eyes, never to open them again. A man lying a few feet away from him who was also watching finally couldn’t take it any more.  He lunged for the chickens, who, startled at  first, scattered into a squawking mass of feathers. For a moment it looked like there was still some hope of escaping, and Mr Addams leaped up and, despite the pain in his neck, he started running blindly towards what looked like a tunnel on the side of the cliffs.  There was a bit of a chase, but in the end the chickens caught up with him, pecking and scratching.  With one final, desperate attempt to escape, he fell, and gave way to the murky haze that was clouding his eyes. Emptiness, followed, and then a feeling of deep peace.  “It was over”, he thought; “finally over”.  He wished with his last breath that he could see his wife and Mia just one last time. It was too late of course, the end was already there.

Darkness was beginning to fall, misty clouds swirled across the streets. Dogs barked, and sirens wailed all over town. Small crowds of people armed with guns, knifes, and even stones were gathered in the streets, trying to defend themselves against the ever growing mass of chickens.  Most people had either died or left (not that there was anywhere to go to, the chickens would find them eventually).  By now you’ve probably figured out what happened to poor Mrs Addams and Mia, stuck alone in that fateful closet with chickens slowly pecking through the doors. Perhaps if they had listened a little closer, the Addams’s may have been able to prevent the whole thing from happening, … if only they had stopped to listen, they may have heard the quiet yet persistent sound of a hundred tiny chicken beaks tapping and pecking through the drain pipe. The chickens had been pecking for the past seventeen and a half years, slowly making their way to the outside world, to exact revenge for who knows what this time.

American shut down

THE U.S. GOVERNMENT SHUTS DOWN

Introduction: After months and weeks and a final day of brinkmanship,the American government has shut down for the first time in 17 years, leaving eight hundred thousand people without their jobs, and 1.3 million people to do their jobs without getting paid. All because the government couldn’t agree on passing a bill for Obama-care ( a new health care system created by Obama to make healthcare available to everyone).

Body: Now, over a week later the U.S. still doesn’t have  a working government,  because the Democrats  want to pass a bill for Obama-care, and the Republicans refuse to let them, both sides refused to back down, this caused the shutdown. However, the republicans have recently offered to increase the debt limit until the 22nd of November. But if they haven’t paid their bills by the 17th of October, it may cause financial crisis. China has already warned the U.S congress to resolve its political impasse without further delay.

Conclusion/opinion: I think this is ridiculous, the U.S. government has not only caused bankruptcy for their own country, but also may be on the brink of causing global financial crisis.

The galaxy’s core and tree octopuses

THE GALAXY’S CORE
is it about to EXPLODE? If so, WHEN?

Introduction

According to some websites, astronomers have detected a blob of gas called G2 that is being ripped apart as it plunges into a black hole, within this year  it will be consumed by  the hole (which is 4 million times the mass of the sun), as it accelerates, it  will collide with incoming matter, heat up, radiate energy, and the galaxy’s core will explode.

Body:

Now you may be thinking this is impossible, but it is true to a certain extent. According to a national geographic article; “If we had seen the black hole 2 million years ago, it would have been different; the Milky Way’s black hole was maybe ten million times brighter then.” Scientists say that the question is not whether there will be another eruption, but when.

X-ray satellites are able to peered into the heart of our galaxy and detect radiation going out from the area around the black hole as it rips apart small, orbiting clouds of gas falling toward it and colliding with it.

Conclusion:

Astronomers now believe lots of gas clouds orbit the hole today, and they could trigger a future outburst, it could happen at any moment. However, it will have no effect on earth.

I also did some research, and there is no such thing as G2 gas.

TREE OCTOPUSES

Introduction

So, you’re walking through the forest, without a care in the world, when suddenly you hear a nearby rustling, you look up expecting to see nothing more than a squirrel or a bird; but when you see what it is, you can’t believe your eyes. The Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus (octopus paxarbolis) slithers up trees, using its powerful tentacles to pull itself up branches or catch unsuspecting prey. These magnificent creatures are very intelligent, and can be found in the temperate rainforests of the Olympic Peninsula on the west coast of North America.….or at least that’s what they say.

Body

There is much debate on whether these creatures actually exist. According to expert 123  ‘‘they ran a crosscheck on the existence of this creature, and the results were astonishing enough – not because of its gigantic size, but because of the amazing extent to which this Internet hoax has spread. Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus and Truth A well-optimized website dedicated to this species of octopus may make anybody believe that this species exists for real.’’However, if you look it up on youtube, there are thousands of videos of tree octopuses leaping from tree to tree, some are clearly puppets, while others look more realistic, which makes me wonder, (assuming that they aren’t real), how far people will go to make other people believe in what they believe. According to other websites, the  pacific northwest tree octopus website was originally made to see how many students believe what they see on the internet.

Scientists say octopuses can survive on land as long as its gills are wet, therefore i think it may evolve over time to survive in a rain forests, with lots of puddles.

Conclusion

No, tree octopuses do not exist yet, but they may eventually evolve to be able to  live longer on land.

The adventures of A3

It was a beautiful sunny day, the kind where everyone is out on the beach, or at the park, or simply just lying in the sun like cats. A soft breeze blew through the trees, rattling their branches, and inconspicuous rhinos rolled through the meadows. It was a perfect day, but perhaps a little too perfect you might think, if you happened to be one of those people who like to cause mischief or trouble, or a person who likes to meddle in places that they shouldn’t. Those happened to be the exact thoughts of a certain someone, hiding in a  gloomy cave, away from all the sun and joy. This certain someone (whose name happened to be Alexander da Shwab Mcoinkerson the 3rd. Everyone just called him A3.) hated sun and joy, in fact he hated everything happy, colorful, or even sweet, but most of all, he hated tall people; there was nothing in the world that he hated more. No one quite knew exactly why, some said it was because he was scared of them, others said it was because when he was a baby he was dropped and suffered from serious brain damage, and others (A.K.A. the smart people) decided that it had to do with the fact that he was a peanut and was extremely jealous of tall people because they overpowered him in every way.

A3 spent half of his life eating sour pickles in a slimy cave and the other half scheming and coming up with new ways to get revenge on tall people. Anyway, it just happened that on this sunny day he was feeling evil, and not just his everyday slimy, gloomy, evil. But something much meaner, something darker, something you could only feel if you were an antisocial peanut living in a cave full of slimy hatred and sour pickles. Why, you might ask, was he feeling so evil on such a shiny day? Well, you see, the answer is simple, it happened that in this particular day, it was Gabble day. Gabble Day was a ceremony that took place every year in the orchid right down the hill from the cave in which A3 was sulking in, and at this very moment, the Great Grape Gabbling race was taking place. The Great Grape Gabbling race was a race where all the tall people would race through the meadows and forests, dodging inconspicuous rhinos  while eating grapes and Gabbling. (Gabbling is a type of yodelish gurgle that you sing through your nose). A3 hated this especially, partly because  he wasn’t allowed to do it because he was a peanut, but mostly because his arch enemy, Kevin Mcnolastname (a world champion Gabbler who made everyone happy by being tall and eating grapes) was running in his 533rd grape gabble, and the whole town was treating him like he was some big hero. This really made A3 mad, in fact even thinking about it made him fume in the slimy darkness of his moldy little cave,and that fuming lead to more fuming and meaner thoughts, thoughts of such hatred and darkness that the sun got scared  and hid behind a cloud for a little while, and a Hawaiian monkey peed in fright.

Meanwhile, at this very moment, not 2 minutes down the hill from the cave, Kevin Mcnolastname was running, gobbling grapes, and Gabbling like you wouldn’t believe, his gabbling could bring tears to a viking’s eyes, and melt an iceberg in 1.45 seconds (they even timed it). As he ran and gabbled, he thought to himself; aren’t I just great, here I am being awesome, eating grapes, AND I’m getting paid for it, how cool is that? Suddenly he tripped on a rock, he was about to fall when a couple of doves saw him, and dove to the rescue, they got there just in time and saved him from falling on his face. This made Kevin even more full of himself and confident, as he ran towards the eccentric forest. No one could beat him now, he was powerful, he was invincible, he was …

         BAM!

… something hit him. HARD.

Suddenly he could not hear anything, see anything ,or even feel anything for that matter, all that was left, was a fuzzy darkness, and a distant, slimy laughter echoing through the valleys of nothingness.

At this point you may be asking yourself “ What happened?” or you may of course already know exactly what happened, either because you’re smart, or because you cheated and read ahead like me, whatever the case may be, it doesn’t matter, because i’m telling you anyway.

Lets go back to where we left our little, antisocial peanut, sitting in a cave full of fuming hatred, and darkish slime. As A3 sat there, thinking hateful thoughts, it suddenly dawned on him that he should do something, like go and spit on some slugs as they ran past, or slid past, or do whatever slugs do. He turned on the TV for more inspiration, and saw that the Gabblers were running past his hill at that very moment, and whats more, the lead Gabbler was none other than his archenemy Kevin, who was running around the corner wearing his pink polka dot lucky jumpsuit, with an annoyingly confident asparagus in his hair. Seizing this opportunity, he ran out of his cave, down the hill, into the eccentric forest, and leaped behind a purple tree, right when Kevin was entering the forest. This was it, this was A3’s chance, he grabbed his secret shovel, leaped out from behind the tree and whacked Kevin in the head, as hard as his little arms could manage. BAM! The shovel made a metallicly headish sound, as it collided with Kevin’s head, knocking him out cold.“Ha Ha Victory!” yelled the slimy peanut, doing his victory dance on poor Kevin’s stomach. He danced around for a couple more minutes, too involved in his own victory, until remembered that there were still another 1,235 Gabblers to come, so he should probably move Kevin off the road. but since he was so lazy and had such a short attention span, he decided to leave Kevin there, and go find something else to mess up.

He went home and watched the news and see the reactions of the town when they found out that their hero had been knocked out by a peanut. Everyone would know now that he was the most powerful and fierce, and they would do everything he said. “Ha Ha”  he thought, “this is cool.”

But unfortunately for him, things didn’t go exactly as planned.

There was a knocking at his door, and when he went to answer it, he realized it was the police.He had to take drastic measures. A3 ran to the back of his cave, where he kept his emergency supply of earwax and slingshots, he grabbed a handful of earwax and his best sling shot, and ran out the door, throwing earwax at the police as he passed. He ran to the orchid an climbed a tree, right above where they would be handing out the gabble day prizes. In case your wondering why he chose to sit there, it was because he knew that every year one of the prizes was a fire snail (a fire snail looks like a snail, but is one of the worlds fastest living creatures), and what did A3 want with a fire nail? Well it was all part of his brilliant escape plan, when they brought the snail out and were about to hand it to its new owner, A3 would leap out of the tree, grab it and escape to Ireland, where he would continue to do evilness, while cruising around on  his snail.

The trumpets sounded, they were announcing the winner of the fire snail, the announcer said some words, the crowds cheered, and someone walked onstage carrying a something covered in a cloth. There was a drum roll, and the cloth was lifted to reveal … A fat orangey red bird!!! A3 almost fell out of the tree, it was supposed to be a bird, not a snail. But still, he was running out of time now was his chance, he jumped out

of the tree and landed squarely on the bird, it screeched and started flapping its wings, the crowd stared in shock, the police started to make their way to the stage. “fly, come on, fly!!!” said A3, starting to get impatient. The bird flapped its wings. The police were getting closer, closer,closer, A3 spat on nearby mushroom. Great, the last thing he needed was a bunch of cops chasing after him. Any second now the police would grab him, any second he would be running and dodging their chubby hands, while trying to think of an escape plan. A3 was looking around for  an escape, when suddenly, the bird was flying!!! Yes!!! He thought, things were finally working out. He would go and start up a new life somewhere else where he could steal stuff and spit on people in peace, and he relaxed a little as he flew into a sunset of possibilities and awesomeness, smirking and laughing his slimy little laugh, at the thought of all the evilness to come.

And that, is the last that the townspeople saw of Alexander Da Shwab Mcoinkerson the 3rd, for the next few as far as we’re concerned he’s on a fat bird going towards Ireland, about two  years at least, he did come back, but that is another story.